Vulnerability is a Strength.
Before I got into recovery I wanted to be seen as the woman with the perfect life, as someone successful with everything under control – someone to be respected and admired and even envied. This image I wanted to portray even went so far as to my family and my young children. I wanted to be the perfect mother. This mother was going to be a provider, someone to be looked up to and relied upon. I can recall overhearing my oldest daughter as a little girl telling a neighbour’s daughter – about an injured wasp(!) – ‘don’t worry my mummy will know what to do about it’ – and I was ridiculously pleased that that is how she felt about me – that I could solve all the problems in the world.
Not Showing My Feelings/Vulnerability
However, I can now see that this strong image was not necessarily such a good thing. It meant never showing any sign of weakness or human frailty – which led on to me never showing my feelings. So if we were watching something moving on television and I felt the tears well up and a lump in my throat – I would pull myself together. I now realise this was how I was brought up – I do not think I ever saw my parents cry.
One of the things that came home to me when I was in treatment was how this was not a good thing at all. Rather than be strong and dependable for my children, I was teaching them that it was not good to show feelings or emotions. I realised that I was possibly even damaging them by making them feel like this. I was repeating the ‘mistakes’ of earlier generations.
Not Reaching Out For Help
In addition, if we constantly maintain we are strong, it makes us considerably less likely to reach out for help. This was definitely part of my downfall. I constantly maintained I was strong and coping when inside I was in a million pieces. I even went to see a counsellor (under duress) and convinced her – I think – that all was well. At the end she said I did not need her services and all my friends agreed. Saying they could not think of anyone who needed counselling less. This was a hollow victory as really I was crying out for help but would not admit it. Perhaps I was just not ready for it at the time. It led to an almost complete breakdown before I had to admit I needed help.
Vulnerability is a good thing. It draws others to us, enabling us to reach out to them and they to us. If we reach out to others, it prevents us reaching out to the mind altering substances we may have used in the past be they alcohol, drugs, pills or some other addictive habits. And by opening up to others and receiving their help and strength, we help them to feel their own strength and purpose.
If you have an alcohol or drug related problem. Please call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice and help.
